Gatjapfen is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, duplicitous donkey.

Gatjapfen created the Sombrero Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gatjapfen, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gatjapfen, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Gatjapfen's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Gatjapfen's Holy Commandments

1. Erect four zinc sculptures of Gatjapfen on top of important buildings.

2. Never look at moons.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Gatjapfen on top of all buildings.