Gepfarlab is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, deceitful squid.

Gepfarlab created humankind eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gepfarlab, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gepfarlab, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Gepfarlab's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Gepfarlab's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Gepfarlab four times a day.

2. Run away from red bats, for they are unholy.

3. Always obey Gepfarlab's priests.

4. Always make sure there are no horses in a building before entering it.

5. Never write about quantum mechanics.