Pontarpbug is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, merciful hippopotamus.

Pontarpbug created parasitic wasps seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pontarpbug, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pontarpbug, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Pontarpbug's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Pontarpbug's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about thermodynamics near grasshopers while wearing yellow dresses and balancing nine zinc spheres on your feet.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always help sick eagles.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Never eat bark.