Jonlinbumgun is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, thoughtless hare.

Jonlinbumgun created a bottom quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonlinbumgun, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jonlinbumgun, it will be very unhappy.

Jonlinbumgun's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Jonlinbumgun's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Always wear white.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

5. Always treat seals with great respect.