Carnartbif is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, self-confident wolf.

Carnartbif created dark matter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Carnartbif, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Carnartbif, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Carnartbif's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Carnartbif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not dye your hair magenta.

5. Never eat bark.