Dotnulfut is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, benevolent monkey.

Dotnulfut created the planet Jupiter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Dotnulfut, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dotnulfut, she will turn you into a goat.

Dotnulfut's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Dotnulfut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. You must never eat turnips.

4. Do not keep nine swans in a large pit.

5. Manatees are not to be trusted.