Zedkomzagpark Cappidnurt is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, merciful dog.

Zedkomzagpark Cappidnurt created Mount Everest nine million years ago.

If you believe in Zedkomzagpark Cappidnurt, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zedkomzagpark Cappidnurt, he will turn you into a hamster.

Zedkomzagpark Cappidnurt's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Zedkomzagpark Cappidnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Zedkomzagpark Cappidnurt must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not eat apples.

4. Never think about quantum gravity near monkeys while wearing black trousers and balancing three carbon spheres on your chest.

5. Do not take Zedkomzagpark Cappidnurt's name in vain.