Begjadmeg Nilflyhon is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, proud faun.

Begjadmeg Nilflyhon created bats seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Begjadmeg Nilflyhon, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Begjadmeg Nilflyhon, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Begjadmeg Nilflyhon's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Begjadmeg Nilflyhon's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always look after injured aardvarks.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always take life seriously.