Kabcarjan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, narcissistic mongoose.

Kabcarjan created the Sunflower Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabcarjan, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kabcarjan, it will destroy your favourite star.

Kabcarjan's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Kabcarjan's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from mauve great tits, for they are unholy.

2. Kabcarjan loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.

3. Do not speak about spinach.

4. Always help sick birds.

5. Kabcarjan must be the most important thing in your life.