Basstardud Dibnelflis is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, effective octopus.

Basstardud Dibnelflis created snails seven million years ago.

If you believe in Basstardud Dibnelflis, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Basstardud Dibnelflis, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Basstardud Dibnelflis' most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Basstardud Dibnelflis' Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not dye your hair pink.

3. Never look at galaxies.

4. Basstardud Dibnelflis loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

5. Never think ill of sick dolphins.