Fonvabbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, dishonourable raccoon.

Fonvabbarn created the planet Mars four years ago.

If you believe in Fonvabbarn, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fonvabbarn, he will torture you forever.

Fonvabbarn's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Fonvabbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always help sick turtles.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not hurt moths.

5. Do not drink alcohol.