Satpagzesszust is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, benevolent squirrel.

Satpagzesszust created the Cigar Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Satpagzesszust, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Satpagzesszust, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Satpagzesszust's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Satpagzesszust's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Satpagzesszust.

3. Do not wear black clothing.

4. Always help porpoises.

5. Always treat turtles with great respect.