Fumvenflow is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, irritating bat.

Fumvenflow created the planet Saturn six million years ago.

If you believe in Fumvenflow, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Fumvenflow, he will remove you from existence.

Fumvenflow's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Fumvenflow's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never wear hats.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force near foxes while wearing red skirts and balancing six zinc spheres on your back.

5. Put Fumvenflow first in all things.