Vanlapwad is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, strong eagle.

Vanlapwad created the planet Mars nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vanlapwad, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vanlapwad, she will manifest in front of you.

Vanlapwad's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Vanlapwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism near badgers while wearing yellow stockings and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your neck.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Run away if six snakes approach from the east.

4. You must pray to Vanlapwad seven times a day.

5. Always make sure there are no otters in a room before entering it.