Stafcunwik is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, selfish eagle.

Stafcunwik created Asia six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafcunwik, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Stafcunwik, she will turn you into a mole.

Stafcunwik's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Stafcunwik's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from black badgers for they are unholy.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Worship no other gods but Stafcunwik.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.