Dutquartbot is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, fussy lion.

Dutquartbot created a quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Dutquartbot, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Dutquartbot, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Dutquartbot's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Dutquartbot's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Dutquartbot must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.

4. Do not keep five cats in a large pit.

5. Whales are not to be trusted.