Barnveenbess is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, bad-tempered squid.

Barnveenbess created carbon five million years ago.

If you believe in Barnveenbess, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Barnveenbess, it will jump up and down on your head.

Barnveenbess' most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Barnveenbess' Holy Commandments

1. Foxes are not to be trusted.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always look after injured monkeys.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never talk about squirrels.