Funcitleg is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, astonishing crow.

Funcitleg created the Sombrero Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Funcitleg, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Funcitleg, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Funcitleg's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Funcitleg's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Hide if eight goats approach from the north.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

5. You must love Funcitleg.