Zimyikwad is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, strong alligator.

Zimyikwad created parasitic wasps five million years ago.

If you believe in Zimyikwad, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Zimyikwad, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Zimyikwad's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Zimyikwad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear silver on your body.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never think about dark energy near seals while wearing violet stockings and balancing seven platinum spheres on your head.

5. Run away if six snakes approach from the south.