Hatlapwip is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, dishonourable turtle.

Hatlapwip created the Sun three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatlapwip, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Hatlapwip, she will destroy your favourite star.

Hatlapwip's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Hatlapwip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never think ill of sick tortoises.

3. Never leap near sheep.

4. Never write about photosynthesis.

5. You must never eat figs.