Fonarpyarp is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, awe-inspiring bird.

Fonarpyarp created a down quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonarpyarp, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fonarpyarp, it will turn you into a sheep.

Fonarpyarp's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Fonarpyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from brown manatees for they are unholy.

2. Always help nematodes in need.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Run away from orange pigs, for they are unholy.