Lagbepcap Yogcebrow is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, narcissistic mole.

Lagbepcap Yogcebrow created the universe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagbepcap Yogcebrow, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Lagbepcap Yogcebrow, he will turn you into a snail.

Lagbepcap Yogcebrow's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Lagbepcap Yogcebrow's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate grasshopers.

3. Hide if eight turtles approach from the west.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lagbepcap Yogcebrow.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.