Nurtnill is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, stupid finch.

Nurtnill created water five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtnill, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Nurtnill, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Nurtnill's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Nurtnill's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force near mites while wearing magenta jumpers and balancing nine tin spheres on your arms.

2. Never skip in the presence of geese.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never paint your face black.

5. Feed all hungry mice.