Figlatbet Larnpidbad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, all-powerful snail.

Figlatbet Larnpidbad created light nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Figlatbet Larnpidbad, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Figlatbet Larnpidbad, she will manifest in front of you.

Figlatbet Larnpidbad's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Figlatbet Larnpidbad's Holy Commandments

1. Always help moths in need.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate eagles.

5. Always make sure there are no mice in a room before entering it.