Bass is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, all-knowing lizard.

Bass created an atom three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bass, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bass, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Bass' most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Bass' Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of garlic to squirrels while wearing red ear rings.

2. Do not dye your hair fawn.

3. Always make sure there are no sheep in a room before entering it.

4. Hide from orange mites for they are unholy.

5. Bass loves pigs, so they must be honoured.