Lapzanlistpom is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, irritating octopus.

Lapzanlistpom created the universe four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapzanlistpom, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lapzanlistpom, she will laugh at you.

Lapzanlistpom's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Lapzanlistpom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep four otters in a large pit.

2. Never feed pineapples to ducks while wearing pink scarves.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Learn three new languages a year.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lapzanlistpom.