Boppomfosshatcepflow Tigfasfem is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, dishonourable turtle.

Boppomfosshatcepflow Tigfasfem created a strange quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Boppomfosshatcepflow Tigfasfem, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Boppomfosshatcepflow Tigfasfem, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Boppomfosshatcepflow Tigfasfem's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Boppomfosshatcepflow Tigfasfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about quantum mechanics.

2. Never feed corn to eagles while wearing hats.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Boppomfosshatcepflow Tigfasfem loves porpoises, so they must be honoured.

5. Learn six new languages a year.