Ontfonpang is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, temperamental gnu.

Ontfonpang created the Milkyway five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontfonpang, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Ontfonpang, it will boil you in a big pot.

Ontfonpang's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Ontfonpang's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

4. Do not wear copper on your body.

5. Always wear violet.