Danlamfas is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, stupid hyena.

Danlamfas created dark energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Danlamfas, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Danlamfas, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Danlamfas' most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Danlamfas' Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never paint your back pink.

5. Hide if three capybaras approach from the west.