Lopnurtzag is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, self-confident goat.

Lopnurtzag created a top quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopnurtzag, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lopnurtzag, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Lopnurtzag's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Lopnurtzag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Always treat cats with great respect.

3. Do not keep nine otters in a large pit.

4. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.