Vilcibbim is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, merciless narwhal.

Vilcibbim created viruses nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vilcibbim, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Vilcibbim, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Vilcibbim's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Vilcibbim's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Put Vilcibbim first in all things.

5. Run away from mauve rats, for they are unholy.