Janlitmigruttcen is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, grumpy pig.

Janlitmigruttcen created energy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Janlitmigruttcen, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Janlitmigruttcen, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Janlitmigruttcen's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Janlitmigruttcen's Holy Commandments

1. Janlitmigruttcen loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

2. Never talk about amino acids.

3. Never paint your hands brown.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Worship no other gods but Janlitmigruttcen.