Besspagpib is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, moody squirrel.

Besspagpib created light six million years ago.

If you believe in Besspagpib, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Besspagpib, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Besspagpib's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Besspagpib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Never think about gravity near aardvarks while wearing gray tights and balancing nine zinc spheres on your head.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Besspagpib.