Yarttiftail is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, irritating aardvark.

Yarttiftail created parasitic wasps eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarttiftail, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Yarttiftail, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Yarttiftail's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Yarttiftail's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics near swans while wearing black dresses and balancing three carbon spheres on your chest.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never eat beans.

5. Yarttiftail must be the most important thing in your life.