Catxenzag Jadvilnan is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, merciful deer.

Catxenzag Jadvilnan created Europe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Catxenzag Jadvilnan, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Catxenzag Jadvilnan, she will turn you into a snail.

Catxenzag Jadvilnan's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Catxenzag Jadvilnan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat apples.

2. Catxenzag Jadvilnan loves porpoises, so they must be honoured.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.

4. Never sing near swans.

5. Never think ill of sick sheep.