Cubkansab is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, stupid manatee.

Cubkansab created water nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cubkansab, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Cubkansab, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Cubkansab's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Cubkansab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Never mention grasshopers.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Cubkansab.

4. Run away if eight mites approach from the east.

5. Never think about comets.