Cenpangrakaf Gadditarn is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, unthinking spider.

Cenpangrakaf Gadditarn created viruses nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cenpangrakaf Gadditarn, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Cenpangrakaf Gadditarn, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Cenpangrakaf Gadditarn's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Cenpangrakaf Gadditarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never sprint near dolphins.

3. Run away from violet great tits, for they are unholy.

4. Do not wear brown clothing.

5. Always help sick dogs.