Metbimwee is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, humorless lion.

Metbimwee created Mount Everest three million years ago.

If you believe in Metbimwee, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Metbimwee, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Metbimwee's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Metbimwee's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never feed limes to rats while wearing scarves.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not speak about grapes.