Queegcemarp is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, staggering crane.

Queegcemarp created a Higgs boson five billion years ago.

If you believe in Queegcemarp, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Queegcemarp, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Queegcemarp's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Queegcemarp's Holy Commandments

1. Queegcemarp loves gulls, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Always help whales in need.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not laugh in public.