Pitpaghonhom is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, sage porpoise.

Pitpaghonhom created an up quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitpaghonhom, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Pitpaghonhom, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Pitpaghonhom's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Pitpaghonhom's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat oranges.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always help frogs.

4. Put Pitpaghonhom first in all things.

5. Learn three new languages a year.