Yikjapdum is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, dishonest troll.

Yikjapdum created the Cigar Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yikjapdum, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Yikjapdum, it will destroy your favourite star.

Yikjapdum's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Yikjapdum's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt whales.

2. Do not keep five porpoises in a large pit.

3. Never think about optics near gulls while wearing fawn jumpers and balancing nine carbon spheres on your arms.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not eat coconuts.