Wipquafgigwik is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, able dugong.

Wipquafgigwik created humanity eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wipquafgigwik, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Wipquafgigwik, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Wipquafgigwik's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Wipquafgigwik's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Wipquafgigwik.

3. Do not dye your hair magenta.

4. Wipquafgigwik loves horses, so they must be honoured.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.