Batdobdad is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, benevolent cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Batdobdad created oxygen nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Batdobdad, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Batdobdad, she will torture you forever.

Batdobdad's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Batdobdad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Retreat if six dolphins approach from the east.

3. Erect seven platinum sculptures of Batdobdad on top of important buildings.

4. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Batdobdad on top of all buildings.

5. Never wear yellow skirts.