Metjadhat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, witless whale.

Metjadhat created carbon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Metjadhat, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Metjadhat, he will jump up and down on your head.

Metjadhat's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Metjadhat's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat cucumbers.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

5. Do not speak about rice.