Sigarm is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, ill-tempered hedgehog.

Sigarm created time and space six billion years ago.

If you believe in Sigarm, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Sigarm, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Sigarm's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Sigarm's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

3. Mice are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Swans are not to be trusted.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.