Bonkgumgub is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, all-powerful walrus.

Bonkgumgub created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonkgumgub, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bonkgumgub, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Bonkgumgub's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Bonkgumgub's Holy Commandments

1. Erect four silicon sculptures of Bonkgumgub on top of important buildings.

2. Retreat if nine seals approach from the east.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Do not laugh in public.

5. Always help voles.