Lansitjam Kennarlaf is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, vain wren.

Lansitjam Kennarlaf created the Sombrero Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lansitjam Kennarlaf, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lansitjam Kennarlaf, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Lansitjam Kennarlaf's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Lansitjam Kennarlaf's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry cats.

2. Always look after injured monkeys.

3. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a room before entering it.

4. Lansitjam Kennarlaf loves snakes, so they must be respected.

5. Never look in ponds.