Lakzoggupwatquamquatduncum is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, bad-tempered pig.

Lakzoggupwatquamquatduncum created life two billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakzoggupwatquamquatduncum, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lakzoggupwatquamquatduncum, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Lakzoggupwatquamquatduncum's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Lakzoggupwatquamquatduncum's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never wear shorts.

3. Never talk about photosynthesis.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. You must pray to Lakzoggupwatquamquatduncum seven times a day.