Quartgigbonk is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, selfish coyote.

Quartgigbonk created a strange quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartgigbonk, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quartgigbonk, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Quartgigbonk's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Quartgigbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Quartgigbonk in the centre of the settlement.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching lead.

5. Do not resist balance.