Spagpankopsand is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, weak snake.

Spagpankopsand created snails eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Spagpankopsand, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Spagpankopsand, she will make you grow a tail.

Spagpankopsand's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Spagpankopsand's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Spagpankopsand in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Always help sick whales.

5. Do not wear mauve clothing.